There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
