Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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