tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
