I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
