I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
