He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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