I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
