The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
