dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
