My pussy is not your playground.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
