i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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