So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
