I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
