hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
