I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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