im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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