I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
