The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize