I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
