she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
