Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
