i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
