the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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