I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize