But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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