remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
