Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
God I need to hump something, right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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