All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize