I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
