people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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