Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
