Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
