So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
