I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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