Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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