did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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