my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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