i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
