did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
