I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
