We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
