doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
