You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize