he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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