My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
