I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
