why didn't you poke me back
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
