had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
