There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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