And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
