all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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