maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
