Porn is love you can see.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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