I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
