Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
