he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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