Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
