I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
