I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
