We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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