Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
