i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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