Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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