He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this beer tastes like vomit already
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
