Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
