It's Friday. Sex?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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