OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
