dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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