Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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