I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
