no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
