if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
