it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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