Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
