I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize