I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
