Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
