Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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