Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The best revenge is premature balding
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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