Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
