Pappa wants mamma naked
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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