Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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