if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
