and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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