Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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