You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
