she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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