I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
North Korea, Best Korea!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
