fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Boobs are out for the taking
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
