Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
