My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
