Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
