You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize