Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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