im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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