I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you will always have a special place in my vag
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
