i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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