All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
