he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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