We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
