if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is my gift to your gina
I can't put those talents on a resume
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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