Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
