I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
