i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
