i barfeds in our rink
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize