I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
