We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
