: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
