strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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