What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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