she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
