My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
no you cant smoke seaweed
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
