Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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