im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
