i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My ass is underappreciated
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize