if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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